


chaurasi kutia.

by ffomixam



Series: tumblr requests. [24]
Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Emotional Infidelity, Love Confessions, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 07:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19043734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffomixam/pseuds/ffomixam
Summary: "Kind of specific but could you do one where when they're visiting India John confesses his love to Paul for the first time?"





	chaurasi kutia.

1968,

It was sweltering hot the day John stepped out of his small room with the decision of finally coming clean about his feelings for Paul.

It had been a long hard journey for his mind to get to the point it was now. To be so sure in his idea of telling Paul everything. He chalked it up to be in large part thanks to the spiritual guidance of the Maharishi and the calm, beautiful, nature of India. Well, the advice and guidance hadn’t been directly about his feelings about Paul and what to do with them. He hadn’t told the Maharishi. Not directly at least. John didn’t feel all too proud about lying to the likes of the Maharishi but he had his reasons! Okay?

He scratched his thick sideburns as he went to the usual meeting point where Paul and he would meet to catch up on whatever they had written separately. Of course, he went there with his loyal guitar in hand. He had no concern or worries about them being interrupted in their work as people seemed to understand the importance of it just being them. His wife and Paul’s girlfriend, Jane, was off somewhere together meditating or whatever so he didn’t have to worry about them either.

Yes, Cynthia had come along to India. He had, in a short moment, considered how this would affect her. If Paul’s feelings were mutual. But his relationship with Cynthia had stopped feeling romantic a long time ago for him. He didn’t see himself as a married man. As a husband. He knew this to be wrong and it had been something he had talked at length with the Maharishi, to no avail. He feelings about Cynthia remained the same. Emotionally platonic as they still continued to have sex in the times he actually wanted her.

He found Paul sitting on the grass near a small pond. The all-white outfit they both wore victims yet again for the staining the grass would cause. But they paid it no mind and John with a small whispered greeting sat next to Paul who stared out unto the small, calm, lake; watching the various insects fly with a peaceful humming as he continued to strum a soft melody on his guitar.

John swallowed deeply as his nerves and anxiety returned to him as he looked at Paul in silence. He was beautiful; the white outfit matching his dark hair wonderfully. His stubble had grown to a fussy length and John wanted nothing more to touch it… to caress the small hairs. He cursed under his breath at the uncharacteristic soft thoughts; drawing the attention of the reason for his heart’s fluttering.

“Did you say something?” Paul asked in a soft voice as he turned his head to finally look at John. That’s all what John really wanted; the other man’s hazel eyes on him and not on some dirty pond.

“No…I,” he muttered and glanced down at his fidgeting hands in his lap. Christ, how was he to go about this? He hated this unnerved feeling that filled his chest. And he couldn’t help thinking; what if it wasn’t mutual? Would it break the band if Paul was to say no? Could he go on with his best friend having shot down his affections? He had so much to lose but it hurt too much to carry this secret around.

He bit the side of his cheek and finally looked back up at Paul. He looked slightly worried. John usually didn’t behave in this manner. And certainly not since they had reached the peaceful utopia that was Rishikesh.

“Paul, I-” he interrupted himself as he still quite weren’t sure what the fuck to say. Paul placed his guitar neatly next to John’s as his worries increased at the flushed fidgeting figure John made sitting in on the grass in the shadow of a large jujube tree. He patiently waited with worry for John to tell him what obviously was burning to get out.

He couldn’t hold it in no more and in a sudden moment, like tearing off a bandaid; John blurted out, “I love you!”

Paul looked surprised at him with widened eyes as John continued his confession; “have since… since I don’t know when. For a long time. Long before Please Please Me. Long before Hamburg. I’ve just…” he swallowed hard and tore off his glasses as he swiped away the tears he had hoped wouldn’t have come at all, “I’ve been scared. And stubborn in my supposed heterosexuality. And I understand if you don’t feel the same. I understand if you want nothing to do with me no more. But I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

Paul was silent as John put back on his glasses and had his hands back in his lap, folded neatly though his nails dug harshly into his skin as he felt like he was going to burst due to his nerves about the prolonged silence.

It was first when Paul’s hands landed on his with a soft touch; stopping them from digging any deeper into his own flesh. “John,” he muttered and leaned forward. His eyelashes fluttered and he had a light tint on his cheeks. “I love you too… I have been since the day we met at that church fête back in Liverpool.”

John let out a small burst of laughter in relief as his nerves finally let go of him. “Yeah?” He nodded his head and let himself feel hopeful. Paul had one of his irritating charming smiles as their hands folded together in John’s lap as they sat in the warm sunrays that Chaurasi Kutia had blessed them with that day.


End file.
